Uni is okay. I’m totally unimpressed with myself for generally being friends with older people though - they’ve all left and I’m aaallllll byyy myyyselllffff. I should stop being a dick because I actually do have heaps of friends at uni but idk I just miss my best friends and I’m jelly that they get to go off and be grown ups with jobs and I’m still here after one million years. I think I’m in a bit of a running rut - I keep coming up with real suspect excuses to not run. I also think I’ve started to use the ‘treat yoself’ mantra a little bit too much… January and February were awful and so I basically gave myself a free pass to do / have whatever the f*ck I wanted because I was just trying to stay above water and keep my mental health in check and tonight I found myself buying junk food and thinking ‘treat yoself, this week has been stressful’ but like lol it actually hasn’t and I’m just ~*~making excuses*~~. I mean it’s kind of annoying in two senses because I need to kick the habit of thinking that my life calls for chocolate approximately seven thousand times a week but I also need to work on the fact that I always feel a need to justify ‘treats’. Ugh. Brain. I also realised that I have not been taking care of myself - I look pretty well put together each day from a distance but my skin is terrible, I could do with a haircut asap and there are about fifty other things I could do rn to, idk, sort myself out. I have been really liking my job lately and it’s weird because I think the only reason that I’m liking it is because heaps of people have left and I’m getting given quite a bit of their work and now I get for everything to be done ‘my way’. I really really can’t stand it when people do things a different way to me because, seriously (at least in my mind) (but I’m convinced objectively aswell), I always come up with the best way for doing things. Super efficient but incredibly thorough. Waaahh why can’t everyone just be me in the first place. (lol this must sound ridiculous but the single most annoying thing to me is inefficiency / waste and both run rampant at my work and it actually drives me insane). I’m not sure of what I’m doing with this long post of doom. It’s really weird - in the last year I’ve never felt ‘right’ but atm things are about as good as they have been and it’s kind of nice to feel like I might be getting back to some sort of happy equilibrium. The last year was pretty awful uni wise and everything that I was doing basically revolved around willing myself through the next piece of assessment (because I had to) (I’m not saying that that’s what I should’ve done, it’s just what I did) and I’m excited about the idea of not having to force myself to do what is that I’m meant to be doing. I’ve also become excited about *the future* again and have been doing heeeeaps of research into the different ~paths~ that I have open to me and what it is that I want to do - I mean normally I just come up with these weird five year plans or whatever that I decide on because it’s what I think is probably expected of me but I’ve actually been taking a considerable amount of time to find out what it is that I actually want to do - it’s weird to separate myself from perceived (and some explicit) expectations but it’s also really nice and really exciting. I need to buy more long sleeved tops for sleepin’.